|
[26 Dec 2008|02:25am] |
ok so i need somewhere to flip out, orrr to write down my flip out:
Ahh, i'm going to see kyle's whole frikkin family soon, and not just see them, but stay with them for like 3 nights!! ahhh!
I'm so freaking nervous. what if they hate me? what if they think i'm weird? what if they decide that me and kyle just aren't going to be together for very long and decide to take bets on how long we'll last? What if they hate my clothes? what if they hate what i look like? what if i make an ass out of myself by saying something stupid? what if i'm too crude, what if i'm too talkative, or too not talkative? what if i'm too clingy or too not social or what if i do something completely stupid?
What if they're freakishly strange, what if they have all sorts of weird habits and rules and it's all overwhelming and scary.
what if they decide that i'm not worth it, that they will secretly make fun of me behind my back and say all sorts of nasty and mean things about me under their breaths, or make jokes in front of me pertaining to stuff that i don't understand, when they're really backhanded slaps to the face about my personality, or looks, or style, or shoes, or car, or anything?
what if they decide to be really rude to me, or make me feel really uncomfortable?
what if i am just such a horrible person and make stupid mistakes?
they have 6 dogs. i hate dogs. what if they decide that my not being a dog-person is just too overwhelmingly bad and that they decide that i'm just all wrong?
what if they never leave me alone, and i never get to spend time with kyle and instead have to stand in front of the crowd of them and answer their protruding questions?
what if i never am able to relax and feel comfortable around them? what if i'm just always stiff and terrified and nervous and shy and the exact opposite of what i'm really like?
what if arrive at the wrong time? or have the wrong entry procedure? or like, forget to take off my shoes when i'm supposed to? or take them off and everyone else left theirs on, what if i ring the doorbell and they didn't want me to do that? what if they did and i knock? how do i tell kyle i'm there, i have no phone service in fostoria, or within a 20 mile radius of the place.
where will they make me sleep? it's not even at his house, it's his cousin's hosue for the first night. how am i possibly going to get sleep tonight and be able to drive tomorrow?
what if i hate everything they cook for me and feel really horrible turning it down but just don't want to eat it?
what if they start thinking or assuming things about me that are totally not true? how do i show them what i'm really like? am i allowed to do that? because i'm prettyyy sure that they'll be a little freaked out.
what if they find out what a messy messy person i am? what if i forget to say thank you, or forget to clean up my plate after dinner? what if i make a mess? what if i throw things around and dont' clean up, when they're very clean people?
i really like kyle, more than i think i've liked anyone ever.. possibly. keep that on the DL. i just don't want to screw anything up, which i'm REALLY good at doing.
what if ...? i don't even know anymore.
|
|
|
[17 Dec 2008|12:36pm] |
i'm enjoying home, i'd say.
though i am really frustrated, because i really miss my college friends, and i really want to go see them, but i really can't because they all live like 4 hours away. and people here.. just aren't the same faces i'm used to seeing in ohio, so it's weird. i keep looking around for a familiar face, and i see familiar faces, but they're not the ones i've been seeing for the last 2 months. i suppose i'm having separation anxiety from college. lol.
i miss kyle immensely. words really cannot describe how much i miss him. i think i wouldn't miss him so much if he were as eager to text/talk to me online. but he's really not that kinda person. so that kinda sucks. and what sucks even more is that i'm probably only going to see him 1 day during break, and that's christmas... and it's at his cousin's house, so i have to be all awkward and meet his whole family, and he is going to be all family-oriented and such and i'm going to be like chillin in the corner awkwardly trying to make small talk with people i've never met before.
i miss everyone from the dorm. a TON. i mean, every night i talk with some of them online, for hours and hours each night, actually. and it's excellent to hear from the ones that have skype. but for the ones that don't, like the ones i would never ever go out of my way to talk to, the people that simply live on my floor and say hi as we pass by each other in the hallway, but we don't go out of our way to hang out with each other? you know, those people? acquaintances, i suppose? but a little more than that? idk. well i miss even those people. i just miss everything about the dorm. now i feel CRAZY for ever having a 'tough deciding whether i wanted to transfer or not' because i definitely do NOT want to transfer. i still may HAVE to, and that will absolutely absolutely suck more than anything. so hopefully i don't have to.
and hopefully i get to see kyle over break. i start work on saturday. so that sucks.
but i'm happy. tonight i have things to do :) tomorrow night i have things to do :) friday i have things to do :) saturday i have multiple things to do :) sunday ? i'm pretty sure i have things to do, possibly? annnd monday tuesday wednesday i work, and wednesday night is christmas. and thursday i GET TO SEE KYLE! and then friday-friday i MIGHT be with kyle, i might not :( and saturday i head back to Columbus :)
so there, that's my next 2 weeks. so it's not so bad, i suppose. i used to be excited for a month long break, and now i'm extremely relieved that it's only lasting 26 days as opposed to 31 days lol. cuz those extra 5 days would be torture.
i REALLY REALLY hope summer isn't like this. i don't think i'll be able to take it.
why do i have to go to school out of state and to a school that has like 80% of kids from in-state, so 95% of my friends are from that state? luckily, it's only a 2 hour drive to get to that state :) and i love that state :) so i'll gladly travel to that state to see people :)
|
|
|
[02 Dec 2008|02:57pm] |
yay, one month :)
considering 1 month is like, a pretty long time span considering that most of my other relationships were on the verge of dying after 1 month.
but yeah, i really really really like kyle. he's an excellent person :) i'm not sick of him yet. i think i can honestly say i feel differently about him as compared to any of the other guys i've ever liked or dated.
christmas break is gunna be hard, though. oh well.
i think i may make a surprise trip to wadsworth sometime over winter break. shhh don't tell him though, it's a secret :).
uhmm. other than these things.. home-life is kinda hectic and stressful, so i'm not looking forward to going home to that next week. ugh stressful. i hate the casual subtle undertones that my parents slip in, hinting at the fact that OSU is a waste of money to them etc blah blah blah. grr. yeah.
uhmmm... other than that, life is great :) we'll see how the next couple of months pan out. lol.
|
|
|
[13 Nov 2008|10:13am] |
i think i know what that weird feeling i've been having lately ...
i think, i'm actually falling for him.
i think, that for the first time in a few years i can really say that i'm falling for someone.
it's weird, because i always feel like i don't wanna be around him, and don't wanna hold hands and don't want to see him.... but when i'm not around him... i wish i were?
yeah, deep :P i know. but seriously. i think i'm falling for him. i think that i'm fighting the falling for him feeling, too, maybe because i'm scared. because in the past, i've worn my heart on my sleeve and it's been ripped apart. but yeah. wow.
i think i finally figured things out.
:)
|
|
|
[12 Nov 2008|07:06pm] |
Well all I really wanna do is love you
A kind much closer than friends use
But I still can’t say it after all we’ve been through
And all I really want from you is to feel me
As the feeling inside keeps building
And I will find a way to you if it kills me
If it kills me
Well how long, can I go on like this,
Wishing to kiss you,
Before I rightly explode?
This double life I lead isn’t healthy for me
In fact it makes me nervous
If I get caught I could be risking it all
--if it kills me: Jason mraz.
|
|
|
[10 Nov 2008|01:27pm] |
so we talked things over.
and realized that we were taking things too fast.
it's only been a week!
yeah, so we fixed that problem.
we talked a long time last night :)
it was good.
i realized we're as opposite as night and day.
I'm religious, he's agnositc.
i'm very liberal, he's conservative.
i grew up in michigan, he lived in ohio his whole life.
i'm hyper and crazy, and he's cool and calm.
he loves video games, and i could care less [at least we both share in the hate for wow].
i don't really like PDA, he enjoys that.
I am a really independent person, annnnd he has a hard time understanding that?
i don't know where i wanna go in life, and he has it all planned out.
i'm a cat person, and he's a dog person.
i love going out and enjoying things, and he would rather sit in.
i have no problem with drinking, and he's really really opposed to it.
i like having alone time, he wants me to stay and sit and talk till laaaate at night.
i love veggies, he hates veggies.
i hate meat, he's a frikkin meatitarian.
i love dressing decently, and he wears jeans like once a week... and like, never wears any sorta nice shirts.
i love watching sports, and he is sorta indifferent to them...
i love dancing and being silly, and he doesn't.
i'm really observant, he's really oblivious.
i love talking and communicating, and he's more reserved.
but despite all of this, we are together?
haha.
idk.
it works?
we'll see.
|
|
|
[03 Nov 2008|12:51pm] |
:)
this weekend:
i can't remember if i updated this after the weekend or not, yet, but yeah, here's an update on life:
this weekend was greeaaat.
like every single bit of it :)
like, friday i went home, that was awesome, i saw everyone!!! it was so great to see everyone and such and catch up with everyone! it's crazy that we're all at different colleges! but yeah, that was fun.
state finals was awesome, on saturday :), the bands are sooo good this year! holy crap!
and congrats athens! you did amazing! it was excellent! and got box 5! when we got it my freshman year, i don't think i quite understood box five, and all the work and such that goes into it, but now that i've graduated, i finally get it! and wowww it takes so much work! and congrats seniors and everyone that i know! your show was excellent, i loved it!
and ZOMG! West bloomfield and lake orion--- phenominal shows! absolutely amazing. WB--you are going to rock at grand nationals! wowwww. is all i can say!
uhmm.. sunday was the drive back.. i slept. and then sunday night was amazing :) me n kyle are official now. like legit. lol. so that's exciting. w00t.
i'm glad to be back at OSU. as much as home was sweet and it was good to see everyone, here's my new home. My friends here are amazing, i love them! ahhh!.
yeah so :) life is going well right now.
continue to pray for me, and for me and kyle, and for kyle, though... kyle isn't christian... rrr is but isn't? idk. but yeah, i'm still a little freaked out about that. so pray. thanks :)
it's crazy, though, because... the last 3 weeks of being here, i was all like "i wish i was in michigan, ohio is so weird, i hate this, i don't know why i'm at OSU, maybe it's not for me" and then i go home, and all i think about is "what's everyone doing in OH right now? i wanna be back there.. i miss everyone, they're prolly doing some sweet stuff there w/out me... i gotta go back"... lol.
i didn't love it here immediately! it took a while! it took a few weeks! but now i love it, absolutely! i cannot imagine going anywhere else but here! it's ridiculous. sure, i miss my home friends, but i'm not homesick anymore, and i'm ok with the fact that my home friends don't understand my new inside jokes and things. i'm ok that none of my school friends understand michigan, or different random sayings/customs/oddities that i have grown up w/. lol. it's ok.
i love ohio, now. it's the weirdest thing... i have no idea why i love ohio now... i thought i'd always hate ohio, whether or not i love the ohio state university. but i love both? it's sooo strange. *shrug*.
time for class :(
|
|
|
[01 Nov 2008|12:46am] |
so i'm home.
and things are going well.
i have a lot of homework right now, so i went home early from hanging out w/ people to try and do more of my lab report.
i know, i'm a lame-o.
but states is tomorrow.
and i'm seeing everyone all day tomorrow so that's good :)
it's weird, because i'm home, and i was all excited to go home for the whole week or so, and i was so homesick. but now i'm collegesick and want to be back there. it's like "wah i wonder what all my college friends are doing right now?" like it's a weird feeling.
i know, being home is great! and i LOVE seeing everyone. but it's different, now, that everyone's been apart and has totally different experiences than me.
and no one even knows like any of the friends i know, besides what i tell people about the people i know.
i mean, i could totally make up a person, and people would believe me that this person exists.
so that's retarded.
i would never do that, but still.
i do have to admit that i LOVE the food that i get here, rather than crappy college food that i hate eating :) w00t for that.
i DO have to admit that i LOVE taking a shower in my own shower :) ahhh.
and i DO have to admit that although my bed at college is rather comfy, i enjoy sleeping in my own bed, which is not a top bunk that plunges great depths, or a tiny twin sized bed, but rather a bottom bunked, queen-sized bed, and i have like, the size of the room i have at college that fits 4 people all to myself! holy cow!
and i DO have to admit that driving is fun. i'm not used to it. but it's fun :) lol.
home is good. college is great. life is excellent. besides the lab reports and such. lol.
anyways, that was my 10 second update on life.
i could go into more depth, but no, i'll leave that for some other time, sillies.
|
|
| ... |
[19 Oct 2008|02:12pm] |
i feel compelled to update, about what, i do not know.
all i know is that i really feel like writing.
but since the biggest change in my life right now from where it was is college, i should probably write about that.
college is great, i'm loving it. it's basically like constantly hanging out with people your age 24/7, and going to classes in between that. lol. don't get me wrong, i study and do homework! i'm not a bad kid! before i came to college i made a resolution to be a better student and to develop study habits! and i think i'm starting to! they're not 100% but, they're working on becoming better.
what is OSU like, many may ask, since it's such foreign territory to everyone? well, it's amazing. it's a huge campus, with so much going on, and with SO much school spirit, i've never seen anywhere that has as much school spirit as OSU [and all of ohio is united behind OSU, which is why the whole state of ohio is anti-michigan, because there is simply so much spirit here..] there's SOOOOOO many traditions here, i mean, the football games are just chalked full of it, from block-0, to the dotting of the i, to carmen ohio, to the OH-IO, to hang on sloopy, and soo soo much more!
Story time? here's some stories that have happened since i've gotten here...
1) So, i spend 90% of my time in the guys' room next door [the 2130s.. i'm in the 2100s]. it's fun. actually, there's usually an average of 15 people in there at any given time, including half of my suite and peter [who used to live on north campus but now moved to floor 22 of lincoln], and kevin [from the 2140s, but he went to hs w/ all of them]. We have fun. they're JUST like all the people at school that i've known for years... well some of them, anyways. I'm convinced that billy = a carbon copy of Kevin, Random witty insults included.
2) The guys next door to me[ish] aka the 2140s, have rockband :) that's always a fun time :). i was over there till 4am on friday night singing and such, while doing engineering homework when i wasn't singing, lol. but that didn't work out so well... i spent most of the time actually singing.
3) so 2 days ago, one of my roommates decided to volunteer my room to be toured by honors tour groups. this happened on friday, and on thursday night i didn't go to sleep till 4 and had an 8 am class.. so i was exhausted, and so i wnated to take a nap. so i took a 3 hour nap on the guys couch in the 2130s.. i'm convinced that they were like "wtf why is she in here?" whenever someone walked in after classes.. kyle didn't think i was serious when i asked him.. but i was. and i brought pillow, blanket, and teddy bear :) lol.
4) The RPAC is wonderful!!! for people who do not know anything about OSU, the RPAC = recrecational and physical activity center. It's like 500,000 square feet of amazing-ness, from basketball courts and tennis courts, and cardio machines and every sort of machine and free weight madness, to the pools [THERES 6!!! of them!!!] yeah, it's awesome. i go swimming everyday. it's wonderful. :)
5) there is now a shopping cart being stored in our trashroom.. because i went to target and on my way back, all of my bags began ripping [and i had like 6 of them anyways, and it was wayyy too heavy to carry back. so i brought the cart back w/ me... brought it into the elevator... took it up to the 21st floor, and emptied all of my groceries out of it... and then i put it in the trashroom, after consulting w/ the boys of what to do w/ it :P... so yes, we have a shopping cart in our trashroom... i'm sure i'll take it back someday? maybe?
6) on fridays, we play ultimate outside on the turf right outside of lincoln. it's a blast !!! we play w/ these guys that are really amazing, though. like seriously, they wear cleats and such and everything! and they just look like ultimate players. i'm SURE they play on some sort of team! and they're absolutely amazing! but despite being amazing, they're incredibly nice and include everyone of all skill levels, and like when i play, they don't just ignore because i'm the only girl and i'm not that great, they actually pass to me and try to include me :) they're really nice.
7) Real life is sweet :) it reminds me of Edge a ton... but i'm going to try out alive, which is where these guys that we played ultimate with go to. so we'll see how that is. i may just go to both :) that would be fun! haha.
8) my class schedule is crazy nasty. thursday and tuesday i have classes 11:30am-7:30pm almost straight [i have like 2 hours of time between swedish (11:30-12:30) and math (2:30-3:30) but not really cuz it takes me 20 min to walk to and from either, so it's almsot more like an hour of time only :(] i DO like all of my classes very much :) they're fun. my bio class is the only one that is sucky.. 8am lecture MWF, and 5:30-7:30pm lab TR.. yuckyy. but next quarter i get to schedule my own schedule, and i'm gunna have all classes between 9am and 3:30 pm.. or maybe even 7:30 and 1pm. i haven't decided yet, even though i only have like 2 days to decide...
uhmmm idk what else to say. it's so hard to describe OSU to people, when no one has any idea of what it's like. like seriously, it's amazing! and i cannot possibly describe how awesome this school is to people that have never seen it or visited before .
k bye.
|
|
|
[22 Sep 2008|12:50pm] |
i'm not gunna lie, i love it here. everything is great! the school spirit, the atmosphere, the people are all incredibly nice and friendly, and all the people i've met here are awesome!! it's so great to be here! but i guess i'm a LITTLE homesick at the moment, it's going to take some adjusting to get used to the fact that the friends i have here i've only known for about 3 days tops. so like, i know people tell me to just be myself, but i feel like i have to hold a little bit of myself in and such, because i don't know these people well enough to just open up and tell them my life story/thing i've done/places i've been.. etc. i mean, i miss having friends i've known for a long time. the experiences i'm having here are awesome!! but sometimes i wish i could just have someone to be here and enjoy the moment and the excitingness of this with!
alright, well i'm off to the student involvement fair.
w00t.
bye.
|
|
|
[14 Sep 2008|06:50pm] |
|
all i have to say is: 4 days :) thank GOD for college.
|
|
|
[08 Sep 2008|11:33pm] |
1) I love starbucks. i cannot explain in enough detail how much i love it. besides the prices, of course :( lol.
2) I wish only you knew how much you hurt me, and keep hurting me. i guess nothing has changed.
3) College = 9 days away. w00t. i'm ecstatic :) i cannot wait.
4) i've kinda been in a sucky mood for a little while, i know why. exactly why. and i cannot do anything to change what's going on, and so my sucky mood persists.
5) Gossip Girl = amazing show. idk WHY but yes, i <3 it. yes. i just finished watching the first season and the 1st episode of the 2nd season to catch up. and of course tonight was the 2nd episode annnd <3. sometimes i wish my life was like theirs---rich, living in high society, going out and partying and drinking every night, penthouse suites, gorgeous clothes, houses in the hamptons, etc. that life would kick ass, and inevitably be more drama-filled, but i think i can deal w/ the drama, if it means unlimited access to kick-ass elite parties and all the champagne and martinis and other such drinks that anyone could ever ask for. too bad college kids all drink beer. guess who's not going to be drinking in college cuz of that? ME! beer = gross. no way am i drinking something that smells like my own piss.
6) Lucky-Jason Mraz.. O.EM.G. amazingly beautiful song.
7)i lost my train of thought.. thank facebook for that... uhmmm. w00t.
|
|
| contemplative entry. |
[06 Sep 2008|12:34am] |
So, random thoughts, put into my favorite format: a NUMBERED LIST!!! lol.
1) I feel horrible that i called in sick from work today. i don't even know why i feel so horrible. i was ACTUALLY sick this time. i was in great pain, and then it went away once the medicine started working, so i suppose that's what makes me feel guilty about it? I'm so sick of this. The fact that 1 day out of every SINGLE month i'm in so much pain that even the prescription meds they give me don't work. i'm worried that it'll keep getting worse and worse as i get older, go in the working world and such. I'll never keep a job cuz i have to call in once a month. i mean, it's ridiculous. i threw up, could barely walk cuz the pain rippled into my legs, and basically laid in my bed rolling around trying to find SOME way of laying down that made me feel better so i could fall asleep. i'm so pissed. it makes me angry. and now i'm gunna have to go in and explain all of this to my managers. and i'm sure they'll understand. but still, i feel horrible that i missed work cuz of something stupid like that.
2) I'm having a pretty ok time here in troy, on my own. Sure i'd love to occasionally see people that i know and love, but i'm doing alright all by myself. Usually, my day consists of waking up later than noon, playing guitar for an hour or so, watching ample tv, going on an evening walk, taking a trip to starbucks so i can be in peace and quiet and read my summer reading book [which is turning out to be an excellent book, btw]. I'm totally ready for college, but it's been kinda fun here being extremely lazy. I guess i just needed it. If only work would give me more hours, though, so i could earn more money for my books. Right now, i'm basically flat broke. I paid erin's dad his money, and now, i'm down to about 300, which will ALL go towards buying books, i'm sure.
3)I feel as if there's so many unsettled feelings swarming around in my head, so many unsaid thoughts that i feel necessary to say, before i leave troy. It's so weird, cuz though i'm so ready to go to columbus, i feel as if i'm still attached to troy by all these thoughts and such, and i don't want to be attached to troy. i wanna completely sever.... not in a bad way.. just a "i have no longing for home right now because i'm at school and it's awesome." kinda way. I just wish i could unload all of these thoughts to the people they are about ... lol. too bad i'm too chicken to ever do anything like that. not chicken, just to ...inward. idk wth to call it lol.
4) I feel bad saying that i'm happy to be leaving troy and all of my friends. as much as i love them, i'm ready to meet new people. i'm sure i'll keep in contact with some of them, but others, wow, i can't believe that there's people i may never see/talk to ever again. Off of the top of my head, i can think of about ten or so people that i definitely am going to stay in touch with. but who knows, maybe everyone will forget me. lol.
5) Random thought time: I'm almost regretting the way this summer went. sure i had some awesome times, but i feel almost as if i hurt people. specifically, a few really close friends. We used to hang out everyday, and i loved it, absolutley loved every moment of it. Then the calling me everyday stopped. At first i was alright with that, because, well, i suppose i was kinda ditching for other people... but after a while i relaly missed it. i never for a moment forgot any of them. Wondered what they were up to, looked at pics on facebook and just thought "wow, i love those people, i can't believe i missed that." It sucks, now, too, because i tried to re-connect with them at probably a rather non-ideal time... a time right when people were leaving for college. it seems so convenient, doesn't it? but that's not the reason at all. i legit-ly wanted to hang out with them more. truly. but apparently no one really gives a crap about me anymore. i've basically been erased. i try, i really try. but it's to no avail. those were some of the people that i really wanted to keep in contact with, too, while i was away at college. i miss how close to a few of them i really was. honestly. :/
6) I really need a better job next summer. I'm having my last couple days at ninos, ever, in the next few days. i'm SO freaking excited that i never have to work there again in my life. they'll probably call me and ask me to work there again. i'll politely decline. i wonder if it's possible for a freshman to get a summer internship somewhere... that would be tight. i don't even need to be paid [though payment would be sweet, too] i just don't want to work at nino's next summer. and i'm worried that i'll have to, because nowhere in the world will be like "yay we'll hire you" after all the college kids have been home a month, and i'm just strolling on home in mid-june. *shrug* i guess i'll just have to wait and see how things shape up. maybe i'll go to cedar point or camp barnabas for the summeR? that would be awesome. i'd just have to find out a way to get out of school to go and do first-aid training. i would <3 working at camp barnabas.
7) i feel like my spirituality has grown immensely over the past couple weeks.. i don't know what it's from, either being here alone and being deep in my thoughts, just the fact that i've actually been attending church more regularly, or what, but yeah. I really hope it carries into college. It was so crazy, this last wednesday, at kensington, there were 2 people speaking about how they planted a church at ohio state. i was like "wow that's cool, i've been looking for a church there, and these two are from new life church in ann arbor which i hear is kinda like kensington and is cool... so this church must be kinda awesome.. i guess i'll have to check it out and find out where it is" annnnd i haven't yet. i emailed the guy, and haven't gotten a response yet. hopefully i get one soon.. he's probably up here visiting for a week or so, and so he hasn't checked his email yet. but yeah i'm excited for that, and real life [christian group at osu].
8) W00t ? idk anything else to say.
|
|
|
[24 Aug 2008|12:37am] |
So troy is really freaking boring with all the college kids gone again.
there's no one here for me to hang out with.
and the kids that are here seem less than enthusiastic to hang out with me.
but i suppose that's life.
i still have 25 freaking days till i leave. Twenty-five. freaking. days. yep that's right, twenty-FIVE! ahhh. kill me now.
the days seem to pass slower and slower as it gets closer to move-in day. labor day weekend is a week away, though, which is so exciting. i only work 5 of the next 5 days before i leave for MSU labor day weekend. *shrug*. at least i get money.
i've decided i wanna start a small fund for my brother. i feel really bad that my grandparents gave me a buncha money for college through a savings bond, and they did nothing like that for him. i know college is gunna suck, money-wise, and that it's gunna be really tight. i dont' even know where book money is gunna come from [i haven't received this money from my grandparents yet] so idk. *shrug*
and loans? yeah i'm taking out some loans... ahh. i suppose it's not a big deal though. college debt acquires whether you like it or not.
w/e. i'm sick of talking about money. it's all my parents ever seem to talk about. shoot me now *bam*.
anyways.
so i've taken up guitar, recently. it's been rather fun, actually. i know most of the easy chords, and can play a very limited number of songs, including "Swing Life Away" "Blowing In the Wind" "Kiss Me" and "Good Riddance" lol. oh well. i'll get better. i only have a month here to do absolutley nothing in. *shrug*.
i'm missing my friends so terribly much right now, too. *tear*. i wish they were here. but it doesn't matter so much. i'm gunna go to OSU and meet a buncha new people :). w00t.
|
|
| Meet me in the summertime... |
[18 Aug 2008|01:22am] |
and as my friends are all leaving for college, my summer has come to an abrupt end.
It's been a great summer, one to cherish and remember always as i go into college and start a new chapter in my life.
I could not have asked for this sort of summer, and at the beginning of the summer, i could NEVER have forseen the summer playing out the way it did, and i'm SO happy that i had such an amazing summer.
I figured it would be the same sort of summer that i had last year: hanging out with matt and craig everyday, lounging around, sitting on the trampoline every night, etc. but wow, i could not have been more wrong about that, and i'm so glad i was wrong about it.
After realizing that i missed everyone from kensington, i decided to slowly re-implant myself in their regular calling/texting list for hanging out. That spiraled into hanging out more and more with them, to planning tons and tons of hang outs, to becoming SO close to those people, and loving every minute of it.
Of course, i'm closer to some than others, and there are definitely 6 people that i became so close with. the seven of us hung out nearly everyday, rain or shine, work or not, we'd always squeeze in some time to hang out with each other, i blame it on the lack of things to do and having too much free time.
I've had so many great memories with those 6 people: from christine's three day sleepover, to clubbing, to my sleepover, to random hangouts throughout the days, to working an 8 hour day and just KNOWING that someone would text me and that i'd have somewhere to go and hang out and see the people i love the most after a long day of work. Firefighters was the beginning of this summer, and the end, in an ironic twist. First time hanging out with these people once again started at firefighters, with christine erin and laura. that was an excellent time, and from there i just was drawn back to my closest friends.
Christine and Rachel and Erin: Wow, we all became so close this summer, it's hard to believe how quickly that happened, too. All of our girl-time and girl talks and such have been so much fun, and i can't imagine what life without the three of you is going to be like! you guys are my life-lines! i'm going to miss you all a TON and definitely stay in touch with you no matter what! I love you three so much!
Christine: I love you so so so so much! you're so awesome to hang out with, and talk to, and be around! You are so hilarious and make me laugh so much, and i KNOW you'd be there for me in an instant, and that i'd do the same! It's so weird, that we went to high school together for a year and never really became close, but this summer suddenly all changed. I'm gunna miss you so much next year, and i KNOW we'll stay in touch! i'll come visit plenty... and by plenty i mean whenever i have a chance :).
Rachel: Oh Wow, it's crazy how close we got in such a short time!You're a such a fun person to be around and i love talking to you! I'm sad we didn't become friends earlier, during high school!!! I'll miss you a ton, and we must keep in touch! PS. "Not Funny"
Erin: Once again, we have become close, like 2 summers ago :) which is sweet! Florida was amazing, and hanging out and doing random crazy stupid erin-like stuff was amazing too!!! We'll definitely hang out lots before i leave for school, i know it, and take road trips to visit people????? lol. yeah. i'd quote something awesomely erin, but most things require movement or hand gestures or fake crying so i can't exactly do that.
Vince: I'm so glad we were able to become closer this summer. you're an awesome guy, and it's strange to look back and realize that we never really knew each other all that well until now! when we really just have so much in common, in a we-really-don't-but-can-relate-very-well-to-each-other kinda way, haha. just the little things we talk about that mean nothing that make me realize that "wow i definitely trust this guy"... i'll miss you!
Adam: It was sweet becoming closer to you this summer, as well. You're a funny guy, and just as sarcastic as ever. It's crazy to think how not well i knew you at the beginning of the summer and how much better i know you now. I feel like i could talk to you about anything and everything from completely random and silly to serious things, and that we do. I'll miss you, and when i come visit all of you MSU-ers, i'll bring some AP up to share w/ everyone :) !
Chosun: You're crazy fun, and i'm gunna miss your spontaneity and energy and funniness ..[i wish that was a word]!!! You have a way of.. i don't even know what, but you always have something to do... like when i was at the airport and you showed me random zippos lol. you make the time that passes pass by in a more awesome way, i suppose? lol. sure, i guess that sorta makes sense! lol. i'll miss you!
|
|
|
[14 Aug 2008|09:28am] |
i'm sick and tired of my parents yelling at me, nagging me, etc.
being "very disappointed in me and my choices"
when i'm not doing anything wrong.
i think they're taking a different perspective of my "bad actions" but they're not.
like i went to florida, and they were all pissed? hey, i was going on another trip if not to florida, so either way i spend some money. i've been saving up for a trip this summer, it was a nice chance to unwind and such.
they don't know who i am at all. they don't know me one bit.
and that sucks.
and it's totally not my fault, like they say it is.
they think i'm gunna come home and beg for money. HAHA yeah right, cuz I would DEFINITELY do something like that. i'm the person that feels really guilty when i owe someone money until i pay it back [besides like karen and lizzie, we all owe each other millions... probably craig too... though i do still owe him $20 and i'm def paying up when i see him next...]
they are ALWAYS complaining how tight money is and how they don't have enough to do anything with, blah blah blah. I'm 18, do they expect ME to work 80 hours a week to help support the family? that wouldn't even help. and i would probably cry myself to sleep every night. it's my LAST week to see my friends, they're all leaving, why can't my parents get off my ass about everything? it pisses me off so much, and puts me in a bad mood for the whole rest of the day when they yell/nag me.
i tried SO hard to not get nagged when i got home. i cleaned my room, emptied my suitcase, did 2 loads of laundry, went shopping and bought my fruit, put it neatly away, messed up and then right after CLEANED the basement entirely, have been completely helpful around the house... and yet they STILL are nagging and yelling at me.
i cannot believe them.
they told me that i should be working today, not having people over, that i should be working every single day. That the fact that i'm working 20 hours over the next 3 days is not enough for them. unbelieveable.
grrrr i'm so pissed/frustrated, and it kills me.
i'm so excited to leave this plac.
|
|
|
[13 Aug 2008|07:55am] |
so my plane home should be boarding soon...
i'm a bit bored though, considering i've been here since 7:15... i figured "oh i'll need some time for security" but now, security lines aren't that long at all... they used to be astronomically ridiculous... oh well, at least i have a laptop with internet.
this summer has been lots of fun so far, this trip has added to that fun :) but i really really missed all my friends back home. i don't even know how to stress that enough. lol.
i'm so excited to go home, but going home means that i'll get to hang out with people for the next 2 weeks and then watch them all leave for college within the next 10 days, and then be completely bored until september 18th. lol.
i get to find out my roommate soon!!!!! They said anytime between the 17th and the 23rd so that's exciting!
uhmmm yeah that's all?
|
|
|
[02 Aug 2008|02:00am] |
hmmm.. random ranting entry? but not rant, just mention weird stuff that's happened lately lol.
so, driving home, and a guy decides that he doesn't wanna turn left, so he cuts me off to get back into the straight line. i'm cool w/ it as long as he decides to go 5 over the speed limit at least, which he does.. so i'm not tailing him, not being mean to him or anything... and we get to the next light, and it's my time to turn left.. and the dude jsut kinda moves over into the left turn lane in front of me, not using a turn signal.. which is a pet peeve of mine, so i kinda make one of those arm gestures that says "what in the world" like the palm in the sky above your head kinda thing. so we both turn, and THEN he starts going like 25 mph up john r... and so of course, i'm like "screw this i'm passing him, idk what the hell he's doing" so i do, and AS i'm passing, he gives me the finger. WHAT THE FUCK? seriously? is that necessary? i wasn't being mean to you! you couldn't even SEE my gesture, and i wasn't tailing you or ANYTHING. if i was being an asshole, it would've been a different story, but nope. def not.
remember how i said "this summer is going by so fast!"? well, father time is screwing around with me once again, and now, this week, has taken for FREAKING ever to go by, for some strange reason. i woke up today thinking "OMG it's only friday damnnn"... and tomorrow's saturday. another day to fill. sept, it'll be fun w/ laser-tagging, grad-partying, and clubb-ing... (i felt the need to separate them since the other words had dashes in them).
SO, i'm SO freaking excited that more of my friends are now discovering skype :) it makes me happy! me n lizzie just screwed around w/ it and talked to each other for like 45 minutes today. haha twas a party :)
so i'm totally ready to go back to school, too. like, i think the more i'm ready to go away to college, the slower the summer goes by. and it's annoying. once my friends leave, i ahve a month here all by myself.. idk what i'll do! ahhh.
i'm going to FLORIDA soon :) W00T! i'm excited. though i'm missing out on DCI finals. i wish there were a way to do both of those things. but oh well :/ i'll have fun in florida, anyways.
i'm NEVER going to be able to sleep on a decent-houred sleeping cycle again, i predict. with me staying up till 4 all the time and waking up at like noon or 1 everyday, it can only get worse in college, prolly a 5am-7am sleep, class, naptime, class, naptime. etc. and repeat. lol.
oh well, it'll be a party.
i'm starting to get really sick of facebook. like i love it and need it, but all the bells and whistles i oculd do w/out. i don't really like the applications, besides bumper stickers cuz they're frikkin hilarious, and i don't like how "notes" work, i like the LJ style of "notes" so much better. i don't like MASSIVE spamming of people that i don't really know adding me as a friend, just because i'm in the OSU network, and i don't like that there's like 3 or 4 people that are online all the time and ALWAYS send me invitations to events/groups that i don't give a shit about and/or don't plan to attend.
|
|
|
[17 Jul 2008|12:30am] |
today, a deep insightful entry, where i will barely mention the future, but rather talk about the now.
and maybe some of the past. but mostly now.
i'm starting to accept all my imperfections. It's a difficult process, but i know i'm not perfect, i know i'm not capable of doing everything, and though i strive to be the best and i'm very competitive, i'm not always the best at everything, and i will never always be the best at everything. but when you stop and look at your skill-set and just take things for the way they are, life becomes so much more than just a strategic game. "i want to live, not survive". i like that quote. and i don't care if i just watched that movie so it's fresh in my mind, i still like it.
i'm also realizing how incapable i am, how weak, how unable i am. i mean, by myself. without guidance, with out help. it really hit me how insignificant my life is without support and purpose, and how small i am, in the broad spectrum of the world. it's really humbling to picture yourself, standing ontop of the tallest peak you can imagine, staring down at the vast amount of land below and all around you, as far as you can see. And how you are but one speck, one flicker, on DOT on the hundreds and hundreds of miles of terrain. so inflated heads do you no good in this life. or in any life, i can imagine. ego and pride, should be set aside at all costs.
and above all, cherish every moment and milk it for all it is worth. because you will never return to that moment again, and memories are all we will ever be, and so you should remember all the great times, and not ever regret one second because you "could've done something differently or something more, something better". time is precious, so don't waste even a second. live every moment to its fullest.
the simplest joys in life are the things that you will cherish most. the sound of the rain, the familiar feeling of a place, a group of people, a simple hello, or hug, or a good fresh glass of orange juice. Sweating so much you start shivering, jumping in a nice cool pool after a hot day of work, swinging on the swings, walks, to no where in particular, the happy feeling of getting mail, wearing your aviators everywhere because you think they make you look "cool". etc.
sometimes, there is nothing to be said, so let there be silence. americans have this habit, and i suppose i've picked up on it, of trying to fill in any silence with noise, because silence is uncomfortable and awkward, but seriously, silence is also amazing. silence can say so much more than small talk, and silence isn't always a bad thing. i guess there is bad silence, but there's also good silence, where only a glance or smirk is needed to convey so much, no words. that kind of silence.
do what you love, and don't be afraid to do it. if you want to sing, sing, even if your voice sounds like a dying moose and you can't match a pitch to save your life... if you want to play a sport, then do it, even if you're the worst on the team, you'll still have a good time, if you want to do community service, then do it, don't be afraid of growing and stretching yourself, it may just be the most life-changing experience of your life. Don't try to mold yourself to fit in a certain group, be yourself and make friends that allow you to be yourself and not try to change you. have your own opinions, and don't be afraid to voice them. no one likes a wishy-washy person, or someone who agrees with them all the time. it's no fun...
other random things? "alcohol can be fun in moderation, if you're responsible about it... ..." "keeping your room clean is actually a VERY good idea!" "always set two alarms in case one doesn't go off.." "always be prepared, and expect the unexpected." "if someone doesn't like who you are, then maybe you shouldn't be hanging out with them" "you just never know what might happen at any given time of the day" "NEVER pass on free food" "the stupid safety check that the people in drivers ed taught you to do before going at a green light.. is ACTUALLY something you should definitely do." "sometimes, compulsively buying something may turn out to be one of the best decisions you've made... other times, not so much." "money is irrelevant. you can be SO happy and have SO little, it's all what you make of life and your situation" "stressing never does any good" ..there's much more.. but i'm tired, and sleep is a valued commodity these days, with work every morning.
|
|
|
[11 Jul 2008|11:53pm] |
well, after orientation, i am completely in love with OSU, it's everything i could ever want/ imagine in a college and more, and it's so much fun, and the people i met are so nice.
i can't wait for college :)
but this does present quite a dilemma and identity crisis. i kinda wanna start calling OSU my home now, but at the same time, it's weird to do that. it feels nothing more than a sweet hotel that i will be staying in for a while while taking classes next year lol. but bring it on, i'm ready. i'm ready... to quote sponge bob :P.
but i think, also, i'm ready not only to go to OSU, but to grow and change and all that stuff that college does to a person. And i'm ready to be REALLY open-minded about my roommate, no matter what, and at least TRY my hardest to get to know her and become at least, good roommates with her, if not friends. But i'm not too worried about that, OSU hand-picks roommates for everyone, so it seems like it will be alright.
I'm excited that i actually got to MEET people going to OSU, and MEET future students that i'll probably be seeing in my classes or around campus, at games, etc. That's so exciting. and it's almost overwhelming, the number of different clubs and such i can join, but at the same time, amazing. i mean, where else can you see free concerts, go to football games, workout, rock climb, play intramural sports with 50,000 other students, etc. that's SO awesome!
but i have left part of my heart there now, and it's definitely getting oh-so-hard to spend these days without my heart, as Relient K would put it :P. but seriously, some of my heart will always be here, but some of it will always be at Camp Barnabas, in Hattiesburg, MS at Mt. Carmel Baptist Church, some of my heart will be at the Silverdome/Ford Field, and now, some.. or most... at Ohio State :) i'm completely psyched and pumped to go there next year.
and i found out i'm going to be an OWL.. where i get to move in like 4 days early, get settled in, etc, and then help other kids move in on sunday, when move-in day is :) w00t. oh and my dorm next year, is RIGHT next to TBDBITL's practice field :) so i get to hear them and see them practice everyday :) that makes me sorta happpy, sorta sad.. i wish i was doing band to some extent, but at the same time, WOAH it takes up a LOT of time!
and i love my classes... well i love my schedule.. 2 engineering classes, an honors calculus class, and an Intro to Bio class :) yay!
oh and i found out my AP scores.. and here goes:
Chem--4
Physics C Mechanics--4
Physics C Electricity--?? [they don't give credit for it.. so it wasn't on there...]
Calc AB--4
Calc BC--3
Euro History--3
English Lit--4!!
so for all my hectic work and such, it paid off... this year of AP classes got me 30 credits :) and i have sophomore status.. though i'm totally a freshman in every SINGLE way possible.
but now that i have my schedule and my BuckID, i feel so official :) i just have to learn how to sing Carmen Ohio, and then i'm golden.. oh wait, there's like 2342973 other traditions to learn, and i'm excited about them :)
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
|
|
|
|